One jewelry store advertised: “Wedding rings for rent!” That advertisement is a sign of the times.
The Times (London) has reported that many American couples are adjusting wedding vows to new concepts of marriage. "Til death do us part" is giving way to "for as long as our marriage shall serve the common good."
Hollywood has played its part as well. Actress Julia Roberts' wedding to Daniel Moder featured the vow to "love, support, but not obey." And consider this: Others merely promise good manners: Will Smith, the actor, recently revealed that when he married Jada Pinkett in 1997 "our vows did not promise to forsake all others. The vow that we made was that 'you will never hear that I did something after the fact'. One spouse will ask the other, 'Look I need to have sex with somebody -- please approve it'" (From The Briefing on August 5, 2005) (click here to view).
Liam Stack at the New York Times published on Nov. 7 the results of a Pew Research study.
The Pew Research Center, published online Wednesday, shows high public support for unmarried couples who live together, with majorities of every age group saying they find it acceptable to live with an unmarried partner. At the same time, the share of American adults who live with an unmarried partner has more than doubled since 1993, to 7 percent from 3 percent. The share of American adults who are married was 53 percent.
According to the survey, unmarried couples report significantly less satisfaction in their relationships than do married couples, who report higher levels of trust in their partners’ honesty, fidelity, and spending habits. It said that 58 percent of married adults said their relationship was “going very well,” compared with 41 percent of unmarried people who live with a partner.
These headlines expose the sad thinking about God’s institution of weddings and marriage.
The author of Proverbs contrasts the adulterous wife (Proverbs 5, 6, and 7) with the excellent wife (Prov 31:10-31). One of the significant differences between these two wives is that the husband of the faithful wife “does trust in her.” If he is a long-distance truck diver, the husband of the virtuous spouse can sleep worry-free away from home. See the post on Beware of the Home Wrecker from Proverbs 31:10-31 (click to open).
Let’s answer some questions about weddings and marriage.
1. What constitutes marriage in God’s eyes?
1) The couple should obey their government requirements according to Romans 13:1-3.
It is a misdemeanor to get married without a marriage license.
Adam and Eve had no marriage license but our government does require one. Human government had not yet been created by God which occurred in Genesis nine as part of the Noahic Covenant. There are a few exceptions to this principle.
God Questions (click here to view) gives one: here are some countries that have no governmental recognition of marriage, and/or no legal requirements for marriage (this is true in Ecuador where only parental consent is necessary) … there are some governments that place unbiblical requirements on marriage before it is legally recognized. As an example, some countries require weddings to be held in a Catholic church, according to Catholic teachings, and overseen by a Catholic priest. Obviously, for those who have strong disagreements with the Catholic Church and the Catholic understanding of marriage as a sacrament, it would be unbiblical to submit to being married in the Catholic Church.
2) The couple publicly and formally exchange vows.
This might be before a magistrate, in their home, your home, your study, the church, a field, etc.
In Genesis 2:22, God brought Eve to Adam in a public fashion.
According to God Questions: "What constitutes marriage according to the Bible?" Some point to Genesis 24 .... the details that lead up to the marriage reveal that a formal process was followed. Isaac’s father, Abraham, gave his servant a list of things to do to find Isaac a wife (Genesis 24:1–10). The servant did all his master asked, plus he prayed to God for guidance and confirmation (verses 12–14). God did guide him, and He also confirmed all of the servant’s “tests” to show that the marriage of Isaac and Rebekah was indeed God-approved (verses 15–27). So convinced was the servant of God’s will that he immediately related to Rebekah’s brother, Laban, all of the details confirming God’s choice (verses 32–49). By the time dinner was served, everyone knew that this was of God, that both Isaac and Rebekah should be married (verses 50–51). Then a dowry was paid, and verbal contracts were pledged between them (verses 52–59). Thus, the marriage mentioned in verse 67 was hardly based on a mere sexual act. Cultural procedures and dowry traditions were fulfilled, conditions were met, answers to prayer were seen, and the obvious blessing by God was upon the entire scenario.
In Song of Solomon (click here to view), the whole process from dating to marriage is covered and there was a wedding ceremony. This love song chronicles Solomon dating (1:1-2:7), engagement and proposal (2:8-3:5), marrying with a formal and public ceremony (3:6-11), going on the honeymoon (4:1-5:1), and working through his first argument with his new bride (5:2-ff).
Jesus attended the public wedding in Cana of Galilee. Jesus’ presence revealed of what he approved or he would not sanctioned it by his attendance.
John Piper agrees: In the Bible, there is a public recognition of who is married and who is not. And it is not a merely private act. It is not private to the government. It is not private to the Church. It is public. Virtually all cultures have thought it important for the functioning of the family life, and the protection of women and children, and the civic order, and the social stability that there be public ways of confirming the difference between marriage and serial sexual liaisons that some people have (John Piper) (click here to view).
In reference to Revelation 19:7 “For the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife has made herself ready” the following authors reveal how the three stages of Jewish weddings were used by the New Testament to show the three stages of the wedding of the New Testament believer to Christ. This comes from Thomas Constable in netbible.org.
We can clarify the general time and place of the marriage of the Lamb by comparing it with marriage customs in the ancient Near East. See Edwin M. Yamauchi, “Cultural Aspects of Marriage in the Ancient World,” Bibliotheca Sacra 135:539 (July-September 1978):241-52.
There were three main events involved in a marriage.
First, the parents chose a bride for the groom. This takes place presently as the Holy Spirit calls the elect out of the world to be Christ’s bride through regeneration. Paul refers to this stage in 2 Corinthians 11:2. Paul felt the same concern for the Corinthians. His jealousy was in that sense “godly” (God-like). Paul pictured himself as the father of a virgin bride (cf. 1 Cor. 4:15; 2 Cor. 12:14). His desire was to keep his daughter, the Corinthian church, pure until she would consummate her marriage to Christ (cf. 4:14; Eph. 5:27; 1 John 3:2-3). This will take place at the Rapture (Constable).
Second, when the time for marriage had come, the groom would leave His home with His friends, go to the home of the bride, and escort her from her home to his. The bride did not know when this would occur. This will take place when Christ comes to take His bride to heaven at the Rapture (cf. John 14:1-2).
Third, the groom provided a feast for his bride and his friends at his home that lasted several days. This will take place on earth either at the beginning of the Millennium. The last stage is the background for Revelation 19:7 (John F. Walvoord, The Prophecy Knowledge Handbook, p. 618).
3) The couple, if possible, should consummate the marriage sexually, fulfilling the physical aspect of the “one flesh” principle.
A paraplegic, for example, could not fulfill this aspect of marriage but still would be legitimately married. In Genesis 24:67, at the end of the search process for a wife, the Bible notes the consummation: “Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent and took Rebekah, and she became his with, and he loved her.”
4) Cohabitation does not qualify.
God addresses cohabitation in Hebrews 13:4: “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”
2. Who can perform the wedding?
According to the North Carolina General Statue chapter 51 and article 1: A valid and sufficient marriage is created by the consent of a male and female person who may lawfully marry, presently to take each other as husband and wife, freely, seriously, and plainly expressed by each in the presence of the other, either:
a. In the presence of an ordained minister of any religious denomination, a minister authorized by a church, or a magistrate; and
b. With the consequent declaration by the minister or magistrate that the persons are husband and wife.
3. Whom should the pastor marry?
Only believers according to 1 Corinthians 7:30: “She is at liberty to be married to she will; only in the Lord.” Marriage is a picture of Christ, the bridegroom, and the church or the bride of Christ (Eph. 5:32).
Thomas Constable makes this point in his commentary on Ephesians 5:32: One of the purposes of marriage is to model Jesus Christ’s relationship with the church. He leads, loves, and serves the church. The church reverently submits and is subject to Him. When husbands and wives fulfill these responsibilities to one another, their marriage models the relationship between Christ and His bride.
4. What are the necessary ingredients for a wedding?
Here are the usual parts of a wedding (hopefully with the help of a wedding director who helps in the rehearsal and wedding). If you are directing, direct the entire wedding party to line up on the platform the way they will be lined up during the wedding. Then let them file out as they will during the recessional.
The Procession
After the guests, grandparents, and parents have been seated, the pastor and the groom enter and stand before the assembly. Then the groomsmen and bridesmaids entered and stand at the front. Next, the father escorts the bride to the front where the groom and his best man are standing with the pastor.
The Pastor's Opening Remarks
The traditional vows are taken from The Book of Common Prayer and the Administration of the Sacraments and Other Rites and Ceremonies of the Church on page 300. The traditional ceremony has these essential parts: “Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and in the face of this company, to join together this Man and this Woman in holy Matrimony ....”
The Pastor Addresses the Couple
He speaks of the solemnity of the occasion usually referring to the wedding attended by Jesus at Canaan of Galilee.
The Exchange of Vows
To the man: “Will you have this Woman to be your wedded wife? Will you love her, comfort her .... so long as you both shall live?” The Book of Common Prayer.
To the woman: “Will you have this Man to your wedded husband... Will you love him, comfort him, honor, and keep him in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others keep only unto him, so long as you both shall live?”
The Ring Exchange
As you exchange rings, you typically say, "With this ring, I thee wed" (The Book of Common Prayer) or “I give this ring as a sign of my love” etc.
The Pronouncement of Marriage
The pastor makes it official ("I now pronounce you husband and wife").
The Kiss
And now the moment everyone's been waiting for, allegedly, the first kiss as a married couple.
The Closing Remarks
The pastor says, “May I be the first to present to you Mr. and Mrs. ____________”
The Recessional
Basically the reverse of the processional, you exit the ceremony together as newlyweds, followed by the wedding party.