An unwillingness to forgive is sometimes described as burying the hatchet but leaving the handle sticking out. Country music singer Garth Brooks actually wrote a song about forgiveness called We Bury the Hatchet But Leave the Handle Stickin’ Out
Hey, all the neighbors lights
Came on last night
Just like they do every time
We have a little fight
It's gettin' to the point
We can't get along
We're always fighting about things
That should be dead and gone
We bury the hatchet
But leave the handle stickin' out
Well, I was kissing on Cindy
Hey, that I won't deny
But that's a long time ago
I let a dead dog lie
But if you want to cut deep
How 'bout you and ol' Joe
I caught you down at the creek
Just ten years ago
We bury the hatchet
But leave the handle stickin' out
Hey, we got enough on each other
To wage a full scale war
If we could ever remember
What we were fightin' for
We bury the hatchet
But leave the handle stickin' out
We're always diggin' up things
We should forget about
When it comes to forgettin'
Baby, there ain't no doubt
We bury the hatchet
But leave the handle sticking out
You can also order the song as a ringtone for you mobile. Which may be a good idea just to remind us that:
1. If we don’t forgive we can’t be forgiven.
Jesus taught us to pray, “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who have sinned against us” (Matthew 6:13). If we don’t forgive others we break down the bridge over which we must pass.
2. If we don’t forgive we can’t worship God (Mt 5:24).
Jesus taught, don’t wait until the service is over to make restitution, get up and leave the service, makes things right with the person you have offended, get forgiveness, and then come back and worship God. Asking for forgiveness from someone you have hurt is not something to put off!
3. If we don’t forgive we can’t please God.
In Ephesians, Paul gives us the highest motivation for forgiveness in 4:30-32. It is to please God not to please people or even make our lives better.
First, To Forgive Does Not Grieve The Holy Spirit
A. Paul mentions the sealing ministry of the Holy Spirit twice (1:13-14; 4:30). In chapter one, Paul refers to the three Persons of the Trinity. God the Father set His love on us in eternity past. God the Son died for our sins on the cross. God the Holy Spirit moved into our lives and makes our salvation secure until we get to heaven or “the day of redemption.”
B. When we don’t forgive, we grieve the very one who is keeping us saved. When we don’t forgive we are not just hurting ourselves, even though we are, we are not just hurting someone else, even though we are, we are hurting or grieving God.
One secular field of researchers said that the growing body of research on forgiveness is finding that people who forgive are more likely than the general population to have:
Fewer episodes of depression, higher self-esteem, more friends, longer marriages, lower blood pressure, closer relationships, fewer stress-related health issues, better immune system function, and lower rates of heart disease.
What should be uppermost in our thinking is, how do we affect God when we forgive or don’t forgive? He is either grieved or pleased with our actions.
Second, To Forgive Is Necessary For We All Sin
Paul lists what has been called acceptable sins. Notice he doesn’t mention the big sins, but rather the sins that all believers commit repeatedly. Bitterness is that internal hostility that results from not forgiving someone who has wounded you. Bitterness is like a pot of hot water on the stove stewing and eventually boiling over in wrath, anger, and scalding everyone in the kitchen. Paul commanded: “Husbands, love your wives and be not bitter against them” (Col. 3:19).
Wiersbe told of a handsome elderly man who stopped at his study one day and asked him if he would perform a wedding for him. Wiersbe suggested that he bring the bride in so that they might chat together and get better acquainted, since he hesitates to marry strangers. “Before she comes in,” he said, “let me explain this wedding to you. Both of us have been married before—to each other! Over thirty years ago, we got into an argument, I got mad, and we separated. Then we did a stupid thing and got a divorce. I guess we were both too proud to apologize. Well, all these years we’ve lived alone, and now we see how foolish we’ve been. Our bitterness has robbed us of the joys of life, and now we want to remarry and see if the Lord won’t give us a few years of happiness before we die.”
Let’s not be too proud to pull out the root of bitterness (Hebrews 12:15) before it bears the fruit of destroyed friendships.
Third, To Forgive Is Christian
This whole section started at 4:17 and is about not living like the unsaved. Here is a way not to be like the unsaved: “Be kind, compassionate, and forgiving.” Christ preached these same three virtues in Luke 6:35-37 as being in contrast to the unsaved (6:32-35).
A. To be kind is not only Christian but it is Godly: “He is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil” (Luke 6:35).
B. To be compassionate is not only Christian it is Godly: “Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful” (Luke 6:36).
C. To forgive is not only Christian it is Godly: “Judge not, and you shall not be judged: condemn not, and you shall not be condemned: forgive, and you shall be forgiven” (Luke 6:37). Paul says back in Ephesians 4:32, we are to forgive just like God has forgiven us. How has God forgiven us? Let me give two ways God forgives.
a. He forgives those who ask for forgiveness.
To those who do not ask for forgiveness He is kind, even to His enemies (so should we as in Matthew 5:44). We can’t grant forgiveness to those who don’t ask for forgiveness. But we don’t harbor an unforgiving spirit. We can pray for their repentance. We can love them and not hate them. We can do good as we have opportunities.
John Piper told of a pastor who had a woman in his church who, he noticed after he came to the church, never came to communion. He probed and found that 15 years earlier she had been separated from her husband because he repeatedly beat her and sexually abused their children. She said that every time she came to communion she would remember what he had done and feel so angry at what it cost her children that she felt unworthy to take communion. This was over a decade later.
Piper’s friend said to her, you are not expected to feel good about what happened. Anger against sin and its horrible consequences is fitting up to a point. But you don't need to hold on to that in a vindictive way that desires harm for your husband. You can hand it over to him who judges justly (1 Peter 2:23) again and again, and pray for the transformation of your husband. Forgiveness is not feeling good about horrible things. And he encouraged her to forgive him in this way, if she hadn't, and to take communion as she handed her anger over to God and prayed for her husband.
In the Bible the term forgiveness is never applied to an unrepentant person. Jesus said in Luke 17:3–4, "Take heed to yourself, If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, 'I repent,' forgive him." So there's a sense in which full forgiveness is only possible in response to repentance (John Piper).
b. He puts no limits on how many times He forgives us.
Some people say, “You don’t know what people have done to me.” Ephesians changes the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do to you” to “Do unto others as God has done to you.” God puts no limits on His forgiveness. You might say, “I’m not God.” Well think of how Joseph treated his brothers who wanted to murder him and then sold him into slavery. For 13 years Joseph could have nursed a grudge and plotted how to get even. But Joseph forgave and was compassionate when he finally met his brothers 13 years later.
Jay Adams illustrates how much God has forgiven us by asking us to imagine sitting in a movie theater. The theater is packed and the show is about to begin. Then you discover that this movie is the unedited, undeleted story of your entire life! The sound track will contain everything that you have ever said. In fact, the movie will project everything you have ever thought, including all of the things you would have liked to have done if you thought you could have gotten away with it.
Every one of us is relieved that such a movie of us does not exist! But, God has that movie! His forgiveness means that He tosses it in the depths of the sea. Having been forgiven that much, He commands us to forgive others for their lesser sins against us (Matt. 18:21-35) (from Stephen Cole’s sermon on 4:32).
Jesus said in Matthew 6:14-15 “If you forgive men their sins, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if you forgive not men their sins, neither will your Father forgive your sins.” If you do not forgive that indicates you have not been forgiven. But if you have been forgiven, then you can also forgive.
On New Year’s Eve, two teenagers broke into Everett Worthington’s mother’s house thinking no one was home. His mother did not drive (hence no car in the driveway) and had gone to bed early (hence no lights). She awoke and confronted one of the youth, and he bashed her repeatedly with a crowbar.
Everett Worthington had later in life became a Christian and said it was only his relationship with Christ that enabled him not to be bitter. His brother, however, did not cope and committed suicide.
Knowing Christ’s forgiveness made all the difference in his life and can make all the difference in your life.